Preggers

So someone asked me if I was pregnant yesterday! I am so so so far from pregnant it’s not even funny. I kept my cool while talking to this guy, but as soon as I broke away from the conversation tears started to form. Thankfully I made it to the bathroom before anyone noticed. So there I sat in the restroom crying, and feeling fat & pathetic. His words just kept echoing in my head. “Excuse me, I know this isn’t any of my business, but are you expecting?” 24 hours later and I can still quote him word for word. OUCH! I get it I am not a stick. I’m not thin or skinny, but I’m also not obese. I way more than I should, but my bmi/bf% is not high enough to consider me obese. It’s funny because today I seem to have more fight in me. Yesterday I was resigned to the fact that I was a disgusting fatty fat that looked preggers. Today I am feeling more positive about myself. I am not rotund, but I need to buckle down and lose weight.

Maybe this was just the push that I needed to get back into shape. I will admit that it was a harsh hard hit to my ego, but it was definitely effective. I cut my portion sizes in half, and despite being exhausted yesterday, managed to run almost a mile and a half. Today shall be no different. I don’t care if T begs me to get pizza after work. I will eat healthy!

So far my protein shake is really….sticking to my ribs. HAHAH if you can say that about a shake. And I can’t wait for my salad for lunch. I’m quite certain it will be delicious.

All I have to say for myself is, that I won’t look like I’m “expecting” for much longer. Hard work and determination can do a lot for the body, mind, and soul. I’ve been looking for the right motivator to push me back into a healthy life style. Something that would make me live the way I know I should. What’s crazy is a year ago when I was 20 lbs lighter I was extraordinarily happy. I felt great. I was 3X as confident, and I just kept wanting to look better. I would push myself farther and farther every time I went out for a run. And I was always looking for better ways to eat. Or how to cut back portion wise.

I curse the day that I was ever laid off. I know that’s what did it to me. I was laid off in August and sunk into a depression that spanned through…well through February of this year. Sadly with my depression came over eating and sleeping. I remember  3 days in a row when the only time I got out of bed was to get food, or go the bathroom.

Anyway, lets save my depression discussion for another post…for now I am out of here.

 

R