Doughnut

Sigh. I woke up this morning and weighed a pound heavier than I did yesterday. It was incredibly depressing. I just stood  there staring at the scale unsure of what is going on.  I had a protein shake for breakfast, cheese, lettuce, tomato, and avocado sandwich  with a peach for lunch, and veggie chicken, salad, and a small helping of potato salad. I don’t understand how I’m gaining weight!! I eat healthy meals at normal times during the day. I suppose my portions could be smaller? I’m unsure. I know my dinner made me quite full last night. However, I wasn’t uncomfortably full. I just don’t understand what I am doing wrong!?! Last time I lost weight every day I ate an apple for breakfast, cheese sandwich and an apple for lunch, and something similar to what I ate last night for dinner. And the weight just started coming off. Now I’m eating healthy and drinking water and I am GAINING!?! WHY?!? It just isn’t fair. So to combat with this unfairness I ate a doughnut this morning. L I hadn’t planned on it, but some of the ladies I work with brought in a dozen doughnuts from my favorite doughnut place here in town!! So thinking of the scale this morning I said “fuck it” and ate a delicious cake doughnut covered in sugar and cinnamon. Though it was delicious I have to admit that I feel guilty about it. I wasn’t hungry and I didn’t need it.

                 When I lost the weight before it was for work. I was a part of the biggest loser challenge they did for 6 months. So here is what I think needs to happen. I need to set a weight loss goal, a time frame, weigh ONLY once a week, and somehow hold myself accountable. If that means saying on here each week how much I weigh, or telling my mom or a friend my weight then so be it. Maybe the shame in the number alone will push me back into it. Apparently being asked if I was pregnant was not enough!! L I also think not weighing every single day will help. Its healthiest to not lose a pound every day. And when I see little to no, or even negative progress it’s just depressing and it starts my day off on the wrong foot.

 

                Some other things that I think I really need to remember is that this is weight loss. I am shrinking my stomach so this is not going to be easy. Sometimes I am going to be hungry. That’s just the way it is. I am cutting my portions and so my big ol’ tummy that is use to 8,000 Doritos is going have to get over it when I only eat 6-8….cucumber slices. It’s just how things work. I know having a dollar and my teammates hanging over my head last time really helped me to stick to my healthy eating last time. Hmmmmm…maybe that is what I should do. Every week that I lose weight put money in a jar for a new bathing suit or a sexy new dress, but every time I gain weight take that money away and put it towards my gym membership. Either way it goes I win! One is just a LOT more fun than the other.

                So…I suppose this is how I will try things for a while; The Biggest Loser…For One. Here are my parameters:

BL41 starts: 06/27/13

Weigh in day: Every Thursday for the next 6 months (or until goal is reached)

Pull: Weight lost- $2 go to happy jar

          Weight gained- $2 + $1 from happy jar go to gym

Goal: 20-25 lbs

There! That gives some control and organization to what I’ve been trying to do for the last 2 months. I feel like having this blog and holding myself accountable to it EVERY Thursday will help…I hope! First of all I want anyone who may stumble across this blog to read a BL41 post and think “Wow! Good for her! She’s on week __ and is still losing!” hahahah nobody actually reads my blog let alone thinks like that, buuuuut I am going to pretend they do.  Hahaha!!

Sorry, to all my non readers I know this is a really long post, but I have just one more thing to say before I go.  I feel like it is important for me to forget last year. I lost weight, I felt great, I looked better, and I was more confident, but guess what I gained almost all of it back. I can’t keep holding on to that. I have to let it go. Say to myself good job R you did great pat myself on the back and drop it. I don’t know if holding myself to that standard is good for me. I did so well last time that I think I am feeling discouraged by something that should be remembered as awesome. All I feel now is failure and that just isn’t healthy!!

So here goes. Here is to the next 6 months of my life, the next 18 weeks! I CAN do this and  I WILL do this!!

 

R